The holidays are nearly upon us. Are your cookies ready? More importantly, are you ready for the cookie parties?
by Vanessa Chiasson
A Christmas cookie exchange party combines culinary tradition and social obligation. These festive gatherings bring together friends, family, and co-workers so everyone’s holiday baking is more enjoyable and efficient. Instead of facing the arduous task of creating a dozen different sugary sensations, you produce a vast quantity of one cookie and all your associates do the same. You come together to swap baking and festive cheer, and everyone leaves with a robust selection of beautifully decorated treats perfect for sharing at your next holiday gathering. Nothing could be lovelier, right?
Those of us in the cookie trenches know better.
If you’ve attended a few cookie exchanges, you’re undoubtedly familiar with the effort it takes to feign delight when Last Minute Linda shows up. Linda blew past the RSVP deadline but decided to help out at the last minute, and now everyone is frantically redistributing their festive tins filled with fruit and nut crinkles to accommodate the no-name sandwich cookies she has dipped in chocolate and sprinkles, thus assuring you that they are indeed homemade. Linda never notices the chaos she causes, no doubt because she’s deep in conversation with Melissa the Martyr, who kept little Timmy occupied when he had the stomach flu by having him help with the gingersnaps, which feature an alarming number of tiny fingerprints.
They’re getting sideways glances from Keto Kate (‘You know flour’s actually a poison, right?’) and Judgey Joan, who puts two days of effort into her homemade cookies and no matter what, everyone else’s work falls short. We get it, Joan. Making a corncob pipe from fondant is hard, okay. Pinterest Patty, who fervently believes that she and Joan are equals, is hurt when her ‘melting snowman’ biscuits (blobs of marshmallow on Chips Ahoy) don’t get the requisite oohs and aahs that Joan’s 3-D airbrushed gold leaf-adorned snowman receive.
Meanwhile, Modification Missy—who uses chia seeds instead of eggs, buckwheat instead of flour, and applesauce instead of melted butter—will wail to anyone who will listen about how she can’t understand why her butter tarts didn’t set. Her only sympathy comes from Almond Mom Ali, who thinks everything looks SO lovely and gives a hearty ‘good for you!’ when anyone over a size six enjoys a candy cane hot chocolate, but she is just SO FULL after eating that dried fig on the charcuterie platter.
The only people who seem really happy are Crisco Catherine (who has no idea that her grandmother’s famous snickerdoodles taste like wet dog and sand), Girl Scout Grace (who’s there to sell her daughter’s leftover Thin Mints) and Assignment Skipping Steve (who showed up with an uncooked meatloaf.)
Perhaps the most challenging recipe associated with a Christmas cookie exchange is the recipe on how to throw one successfully. Are you aiming for a sophisticated affair that’s worthy of Martha Stewart (who recommends the following for your cookie exchange decor: ‘Gather twigs and branches of different shapes and sizes. Apply an even layer of silver spray paint all over the branches and allow to dry. Arrange the branches in a deep vase or a footed urn for a rustic yet festive arrangement.’)
Or are you organized and in control, like Robin Olson, who published The Cookie Party Cookbook? Olson’s rules state that all items should be homemade and baked, the main ingredient must be flour, and no plain chocolate chip cookies, cookie mixes, no-bakes, meringues or bars are allowed. Possibly you are an agent of chaos, like Very Merry Cookie Party authors Barbara Grunes and Virginia Van Vynckt. Their recommended recipes include the painfully simple (gussied up Rice Krispie bars) and the obscenely fragile (like hand-piped meringue snowflakes) and they advocate for young children to be hands-on in every sense of the word.
How did it come to this? How did such a charming tradition to ease the burden of holiday baking become a source of competition and condemnation? Is social media to blame, with cookie porn accounts making mere mortals feel inferior and prone to wild experiments to keep up with the Joneses? (Or just plain ol’ Joan?) Is it the natural consequence of a world that commodifies the Yuletide spirit and nothing in real life can ever live up to what we see in the Hallmark holiday movies? Can we blame past governments, the ones who slashed home economics programs and unleashed a generation which doesn’t know the difference between microwaving shortening and Sweet’N Low and creaming butter and brown sugar?
Or maybe it’s just that we, as a society, can no longer handle the arrogant smugness of Bakery Bob. Those chocolate rum balls aren’t fooling anyone, Bobby, so give it a rest.
Maybe the chaos of Christmas cookie exchanges will remind us of what truly matters during the holiday season. Being exhausted with effort and pettiness is a sign to opt-out and stay at home with the ones you love. Enjoy whatever your treats you want on your own terms, wherever may come— and plot your comeback for next year.
Christmas Crumbles
In my house we call these Christmas Crumbles, but the recipe is officially called Skillet Scrummies (from a 1935 recipe, shared by Dorine Dinsdale of Port Credit, Ontario in the November 2006 Chatelaine). Filled with the holiday flavours of dried fruits and nuts, they are made in a frying pan and look super pretty displayed in a festive tin.
| 1 c | chopped pitted dates |
| 1 c | hopped walnuts |
| ¼ c | butter |
| 1 c | lightly packed brown sugar |
| ½ c | chopped maraschino cherries |
| 1 t | each vanilla and almond extract |
| ¼ c | maraschino cherry juice |
| 1 c | sweetened desiccated coconut |
Melt the butter in a large frying pan, preferably non-stick, over low heat. Stir in the dates and sugar until evenly mixed. Add the walnuts, cherries, juice and both extracts. Simmer, stirring constantly, until the mixture starts to thicken, about 10 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat. Cool completely.
Place the coconut in a small bowl. Line a large tray with waxed paper.
Roll the mixture into 1-inch balls and place on the tray. Roll each ball in coconut until evenly coated.
Store in an airtight container in single layers between waxed paper. Refrigerate for up to one week.
Makes 36 balls