Seriously Picky Produce Person
by Jan Hostyn
I watched in fascination as the cart pushed past me, multiple bins nestled next to each other on multiple different levels.
My eyes couldn’t tear themselves away as the cart-pusher pulled up next to a row of apples, hastily plopping a few seemingly random apples into a bag before depositing them into one of the many bins. So quick, so perfunctory and so very, very unlike me.
That cart, those bins and that person are all part of something I have a hard time wrapping my head around: online grocery shopping. The thought of someone else picking out my groceries — my apples, my bananas, my cauliflower, my everything — absolutely horrifies me. I don’t even like it (really don’t like it, actually) when my husband pops into the store on his way home from work and surprises me by picking up a few things. (You bought what?)
So to watch a complete stranger pick out groceries for someone else, well, it kind of makes me shudder.
What if the apples aren’t quite the right size? What if they’re bruised? And what if there are better apples in the display, maybe just up a bit higher?
It’s not just the whole online shopping thing that perplexes me. It’s other shoppers. Well, some other shoppers. The ability (although I’m not sure ability is quite the right word) to pick something up and casually plunk it into your cart without even giving it a second glance, well, I find that completely unsettling.
I am very particular about my produce. Some people might call me annoying. Maddening. Even infuriating. I examine, I feel, I rummage, I smell. And it all takes time. There is nothing even remotely speedy about the process.
Even though I like doing my own grocery shopping, it’s more than that: I need to do it. We’re talking about food that I am going to feed my family and myself and that makes grocery shopping serious business.
There are just so many variables that come into play when it comes to picking out groceries.
Take bananas. For bananas to make it into my cart, they need to meet certain criteria. They can’t be too green — if they are, they might never ripen (usually a Costco phenomenon). They can’t be too yellow, either. Yellow bananas run the risk of becoming overripe practically before they make it out of the store. More importantly: they have to have a distinct curve to them. My daughter swears that bananas that are verging on straight simply aren’t as sweet as the curved ones.
My oranges and pomelos have to be heavy, my grapes need to be crisp and hard, and my bags of mini peppers have to have more orange peppers than red or yellow ones. Different bags of mini peppers all have slightly different assortments of colours (yes, they really do), and since I have a thing for orange peppers, I dig until I find that particular bag that contains the most orange ones.
Ultimately, it all comes down to flavour. If something isn’t going to taste good, it’s not making it into my cart. Looks aren’t as important. Just like in life, it’s all about personality and what’s inside that counts. Aesthetically speaking, anyway. Rotten or moldy bits definitely count, as do large bruises and anything else that indicates inferior quality.
Because of that, my grocery shopping is what you could call flexible.
I don’t shop with a list that’s set in stone. I can’t, it all depends on what’s available that day and what looks or feels or smells good (or what doesn’t). Cauliflower might be on my mind, but if the cauliflowers of the day are looking brown and compromised, they’ll get a pass and I’ll reassess. Off to the broccoli or bok choy I’ll go.
I might have an idea what type of apple I’d like to buy, but if that kind isn’t having a good day, I’ll simply see what other kind looks good. I might be partial to Fujis, but only to Fujis that are hard and crisp.
Then there are certain things I never buy…
Peaches in January? Absolutely not. Peaches are a summertime fruit. They are grown in the summer, and they only taste like juicy, fragrant, glorious peaches in the summer. The January impostors are typically mealy and flavourless and resemble peaches in name only.
So yes, shopping seasonally is huge for me. We don’t celebrate Christmas all year round (although the Christmas season seems to start earlier and earlier every year), so why should we expect (or want) to eat asparagus (or cherries, or plums, or anything else that strikes your fancy) all year round?
There are also some things that I wouldn’t even consider buying at the grocery store. Yes, I’m talking about you, tomatoes. Grocery store tomatoes have absolutely nothing in common with the luscious, vibrant, amazing creatures that you can find at the farmers’ market (or in your own garden) in the summer.
I am a big farmers’ market fan, summer and winter. Local means fresh, and fresh means flavour. Plus there’s something to be said for knowing the people who grow the produce you purchase, raise the meat you buy, make the cheese you eat and tend to the chickens whose eggs you use.
There’s nothing like B.C. fruit from the farmers’ market in the summer. Or carrots that magically taste like they were pulled practically straight out of the garden even in the middle of January. Or real spinach that’s thick and a little curly and tastes so earthy and sweet and different from the grocery store variety. Or super-fresh eggs.
It all comes down to flavour.
And freshness.
So the next time you see someone taking an extraordinary amount of time in the grocery store, stop by and say hi — it could very well could be me. I’m really not as annoying as you might think, or at least I hope I’m not. There are just some things I take very seriously.
Or try to.