I lost my husband Brad on August 11, the most painful day of my life. Although we knew his death was approaching, nothing could prepare me for losing the person I loved most. Brad’s 6oth birthday was October 20 and we would have celebrated our 35th anniversary on November 10.
More than 800 people gathered at the Jubilee Auditorium to celebrate Brad’s life, while another 500 watched online. It was a beautiful tribute to an extraordinary man.
Many people supported not only Brad, but those around him. How do I even begin to express my deepest, heartfelt gratitude? You have been there for Brad, and for me, you made us laugh, held us when we cried, talked long into the night with us, usually over many bottles of wine. Thank you.
This is the story about Brad, otherwise known as, Smo, Smoli, Bradissimo, Booboo, and that doesn’t cover what I have been known to call him on occasion. It’s a story about struggle, support, strength, the will to live and above all else, love. That was Brad’s whole life.
Brad was born in Edmonton, a special little boy with a very special heart. His parents, Pat and Nick were told, ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smoliak don’t get too attached to your newborn for he is very sick and likely won’t make it through the night.’ He did make it through the night. The first of many miracles. It was the first time anybody saw what a determined, tenacious person Brad was. A few days later he had the first of many surgeries. The doctors expected this might provide Brad with a little time, they just never expected how much.
Well, didn’t he show them.
Brad not only survived, he thrived. He didn’t play any contact sports as a kid, but always cheered from the sidelines. He was the class clown with loads of friends. He developed a passion for food and socializing. Brad continued to be followed by pediatric cardiologists but by all accounts, was leading a normal life.
He always wanted to be a chef. He was told by doctors that he shouldn’t, as kitchens were too hot, he would be on his feet too long, and chefs had unstable hours—all things that would not be good for someone with a heart condition. So, Brad did the responsible thing and went to NAIT to pursue business and marketing.
I met Brad when I was general manager of Philip’s, a fine dining restaurant in downtown Edmonton. I needed an assistant manager. I interviewed Brad and knew immediately I was going to hire him. He had experience, energy and best of all, he knew how to use a computer. (You have to remember this was 1987.)
We worked together seamlessly. I had never had so much fun at work but got so much accomplished. He was funny, he had a fantastic work ethic, and everyone loved him.
Before we married, Brad made me aware that he had a significant heart issue, telling me that he would likely not live to be an old man. I didn’t bat an eye, we were young and in love. I would take what I could get. At that time, I didn’t realize how fast time would go.
As time went on and we got older, like most couples we worked way too much and way too hard. Brad had transitioned into the kitchen shortly after we were married and indeed it was long hours, hot and stressful. Every now and then Brad would have a health scare that would send him to the hospital. He finally decided he needed to work for himself. I am speaking of Kitchen by Brad, his beautifully curated culinary studio. He adored what he was doing, and he was having fun, but still on his feet 50–60 hours a week. The difference? He loved it and the stress level went way down.
We were proud of what we had made of our home, our little bungalow perfect for our little family of three. Brad had his big kitchen, we had cozy spots to curl up with the different dogs we had, Opus, then Cosmo and now Stanley. We got into gardening. He grew tomatoes and peppers and all kinds of other things in a little plot he called Gido’s Farm. What he treasured most? Antonio, the outdoor pizza oven.
We enjoyed hosting together. The best part of the night was putting the dishes away and talking about the food and the people. Who drank too much, who talked too much—usually me—and when were we going to do it again. Brad and Nicholas loved to cook together, starting when Nick was a little tyke, and although Nick is now married to Lindsey and living in Glasgow, food remained their common language. (The recipe for Brad & Nick’s Christmas Porchetta is below).
By the summer of 2018 Brad was in late-stage heart failure. His cardiologist gave us the news—Brad had three to six months to live.
A few weeks later the Mazankowski offered him another option—an artificial heart, a device that would do the work his heart could not. Brad said no way. I said yes way. I was not ready to lose him. On January 18, 2019, surgeons implanted his VAD (ventricular assist device). Brad would live out his life on batteries or plugged in to wall power.
Miraculously. this gave him a 7½-year victory lap.
Brad was connected to that hospital, first the UofA and then the Mazankowski, for over 59 years, and the team there became our family. I will never forget how kind, selfless and devoted they were to Brad’s care, and how throughout all of that, they held my hand every step of the way.
I know it sounds weird, but Brad and I thought of his illness as a gift. Knowing that our life together could be cut short at any moment, we looked at life differently, we treasured every moment.
Brad never wanted his life to be defined by his illness. He used his illness to show people that you can fight for anything, you can fight for your life, you can fight for love, you can fight for your family, you just have to dig in.
Brad dug in, he used every bit of strength, will, tenacity and stubbornness he had. Whenever he got really sick and the end could be near, he would say, no, no, no, not yet… ‘I still have shit to do.’
He filled every second of every day. He didn’t want to miss anything. He woke up every morning singing. It was usually the ’80s Olivia Newton John classic Xanadu, which he never knew all the words to. He taught me and others around us to do the same, to fill every second. You never know what is around the corner. Don’t waste a moment. For that I am forever grateful.
A few days before he died Brad said;
‘I guess I got all my shit done.’
What will Mrs. Smo do next?
This Christmas will be different. I didn’t think I could bear to have it here. I will be in Glasgow with Nicholas and Lindsey and after that, we join my mother Lois and dear friend Joanne in Cancun.
Brad and I were intertwined in everything we were and everything we did. I am not sure who I am going to be without him but I know he would not want me to curl up into a ball and wilt. When I am ready, I am going to follow his lead and live every moment to the fullest. I know he would expect nothing less.
It has been the Smo’s goal to raise $1 million for the Artificial Heart Program (VAD) at the MAZ. As a tribute to Brad please consider a donation: fundrazr.com/bradsjourney.uhf.
Brad & Nick’s Christmas Porchetta
Brad and Nicholas loved to cook together. A few years back they made this Christmas Porchetta.
| 1-12 lb | Pork loin, belly attached, skin on. You will need to go to a reputable butcher for this. Let them know what you will be doing with this big piece of pork. Have them remove the bones and butterfly the loin open. Ask them to score the pig skin in a very tight diamond pattern. This is necessary to get a good crackling. |
| 3 lg | red onions, small dice |
| ½” piece | pancetta, small dice |
| olive oil | |
| ¼ c | butter |
| 1 T | fennel seeds |
| ½ c | loosely packed sage leaves |
| ½ btl | dry white wine |
| ¾ c | mixed chopped dried apricots, cranberries, raisins |
| ¼ c | pistachios |
| ¼ c | shredded Parmesan cheese |
| ½ c | dry breadcrumbs |
| ¼ c | dry sherry |
| 6 med | carrots |
| 3 T | flour |
| 1¼ c | chicken stock |
Take pork out of the refrigerator 2 hours before you start assembly. You want the meat at room temperature.
In large pan bring 2 T olive oil and butter to temperature on medium-high heat. Add the pancetta and cook for 5 minutes, add onions and fennel seeds and cook for approximately 3 more minutes, stirring regularly. Add sage leaves and ¼ c wine. Add the fruit and nuts and continue to cook another 5 minutes stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and cool.
Toast the breadcrumbs for a few minutes. Be careful, these will burn very quickly. Add them to the pan mix and toss them. Add the cheese to the mix and toss gently.
Place the pork loin on a large board skin side down, open it up and flatten in out. Season it well with salt and black pepper. Sprinkle half of the dry sherry and massage it into the meat. Scatter the stuffing evenly and sprinkle over the rest of the sherry. Pat down the stuffing. Roll up the pork continuing to pat down the stuffing as you roll. With the seam side down tie with butcher string. Tie the string every one inch. YouTube has lots of videos to show how to best do this. Season generously with salt and pepper. Rub all over with olive oil.
Determine your timing and 15 minutes before you are ready to roast the porchetta preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Clean the carrots and put them in the bottom of a large shallow roasting pan. Sit the porchetta on top of the carrots, seam side down. Pour in 1¼ c of water and the remaining wine.
Put the roast in the hot oven for 30 minutes then reduce the temperature to 350 degrees and cook for 31/2 to 4 hours, basting every hour with pan juices. Use a meat thermometer and insert in the middle. You are looking for an internal temperature of 165 degrees. It will come to 170 degrees as it rests.
Remove the porchetta from the pan and let rest for 30 minutes. Place the pan on the cook top over medium heat. Skim as much of the fat as possible and reserve for another use. Stir in the flour and mash the carrots, scraping up the yummy bits. Using a firm whisk works the best. Whisk in the stock and simmer until the gravy is thickened. Strain the gravy through a sieve and season to your liking. Thin with a touch of water if necessary.
Carve the porchetta in nice thick slices. The Smos like to serve it with a fennel, apple and pomegranate salad, sauteed rapini with garlic, lemon and chili flakes; broiled tomatoes, roast potatoes and of course lots of festive baking for dessert. Serve 10-12.
